I’ve tried this blogging thing far too many times in my life. I always feel like I need to have some thing to blog about. Like I’m not smart enough to just talk about the normal things in my brain, so unless I’m doing something really exciting I better just keep my thoughts to myself because no one wants to hear them. And maybe that’s true. Maybe no one does want to hear them. But I also know that I read a lot of crap that I don’t really want to hear, and I’m damn proud of people’s right to put it all out there.
In perusing through my past blogging endeavors I eventually made it all the way back to my middle school Xanga. Once I got past levels one through seven of embarrassment, I eventually made it to level eight (which is the level of beaming pride.) Yes. Pride. Pride in my awkward gawky 14-year-old self who for some crazy reason thought that whatever she had to say was worth sharing with the whole entire cyber universe. For the record, most of it wasn’t. It wasn’t but it was a step. It was a step in a person beginning to grow and develop into someone intelligent and mature with thoughts and ideas that maybe are worth sharing. And you can’t always wait until you are that person to start sharing. In fact, maybe the most important step in becoming that person is realizing that you will never fully get there…that you are always growing and changing and learning and being knocked the hell off of your “look I’m so high” horse. But the more times you get back on the more times you can learn, and it will make you stronger, and wiser, and more humble, and oh so much more beautiful.
So here is day one of the Amanda who doesn’t wait for things to be perfect. Who realizes that she can say what she thinks and it won’t offend the whole world, and that even if it does then that’s ok too because at least it will be something real and something honest, and that should be enough to make it worth talking about.